One year ago, today..

So, It has been one year ago, today. It still hasn't sunk in, yet. January 23, 2008 was a day, I will never forget. It is the day that I lost my stepbrother, Andy. He passed away from an overdose of Oxycodone and Xanax. He was 24 years old. I didn't even know that he took pills. I can't believe it. I don't understand why you would trade your life for a handful of pills. It makes me so mad, and I can't even yell at him, because he is gone, now..Forever. My little brother called me on the phone and said, " Sis, Andy died last night." My heart sank and I just couldn't believe what I had heard, I still can't. I had just seen him a few months before. He gave me a big hug. I had no idea that would be the last one I ever got from him or I would've never let go. He had a 4 yr. old son and a little girl on the way. She was born exactly 6 months after he died. He always said, He wanted our kids to play together. They finally got to, but it was at his funeral, so he wasn't there to see it. I miss him, so much. I can still see us being 8 yrs. old. He would sing Vanilla Ice, "Ice, Ice, Baby". lol He knew every word. We would always watch wrestling, together. He would always beat me up all the time, but he always had my back. He was my big brother, no matter what. I just can't believe he is gone. I miss him, so much. There is not one day, that I don't think about you, Andy. I will never forget you. I know that you are watching over me. Whoever is reading this...If you or anyone you know, has a problem with pills..Please get help! Do not let this happen to your family. It is not worth it. You may not think it is a problem, but addicts never do. It is not worth it. I am sure Andy didn't think it was a problem, either. But, It is too late for him, now. His kids will never have their Daddy. It breaks my heart, because he was a great Dad. He always wanted to be more for his kids, then his worthless Dad was for him. He was a very wonderful person. He could draw and write poetry. He loved his family very much. But, He is gone, now and all we can do is remember him. SO, PLEASE, DON'T TAKE PILLS!

Comment

You need to be a member of STAIND to add comments!

Join STAIND

Comment by Staind-Luv on March 28, 2010 at 1:51pm: so young and beautiful... i'm so sorry for your loss...

Comment by Marianne on February 6, 2009 at 8:27pm: Aww, so sorry my friend. Painkillers are EVIL....God Bless.

Comment by SteFanie on January 26, 2009 at 9:27am: so sorry for your loss shannon. i know you said that your step brother didn't get to see your kids play together, but i bet he did that day ;)

keep that chin up.

Comment by Elaine Wolfe on January 26, 2009 at 2:44am: I share your pain and grief. I know you are mad at him but addiction is a disease. Your brother made one bad choice and that was to self-medicate his pain. You don't know if you carry the gene for the disease. You play roulette when you use a substance. The disease lies in the Limbic System of the brain - that is the part that tells you to breathe, drink, eat, not touch a hot plate. Using a substance for those who carry the gene begins the chemical changes in the way the brain works. Now the disease controls your life. No one wakes up one day and decides to be an addict. Know that your brother wanted to be well and was more ashamed at what he had become than anyone else. That is because the disease destroys your self-worth, your love of self. The demon screams non-stop in their heads to feed the need. Imagine it screaming inside your head 24/7 to feed the disease. I know he is sorry he hurt you and your family and that he loves you. Know that he never wanted it to happen.

Comment by Randy on January 25, 2009 at 4:17pm: Sorry for your loss. As a recovering addict myself I've learned that stories such as yours can possibly reach out to an addict who is still suffering. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Comment by Justin Goldman on January 23, 2009 at 9:21pm: That is so sad..I'm SO sorry Shannon. =(

Comment by spidermonkey on January 23, 2009 at 7:25pm: he is beautiful...so sorry for your loss.