Hey everyone, I thought I might share something honest and important that I think everyone should relate to and understand what I go through and maybe support me due to me being all alone. Here goes nothing...
I was recently sexually harassed in a group home in Austin, Texas and left to get help at the PES (it's a place where we have issues/problems/mental health problems/situations, etc. and seek treatment and whatnot.) By the time they were through with me, they didn't help so I left about 5 maybe 10 blocks away from that place to seek more help if it's successful that night. I was homeless and was eventually asked by a guy on the streets who wanted me to give him a blow job for 20 bucks. I said fuck off for I am not that kind of person. He then grabbed me but I punched him and kicked him in the balls to escape in time to get me 911 on the phone and called for a ambulance and police in Austin due to the incident and having a Schizoaffective episode. I couldn't get the guy arrested due to how dark and late it was so he escaped eventually and I wasn't able to identify him due to everything happening so fast in that incident. So I was eventually taken back to PES again with help of the police, and wasn't able to go to a mental hospital at all so I crashed at the PES on a floor for the night. I left one morning to find out on my cell phone (it's stolen by someone now) when my lovers' funeral was to proceed and where it will be. So I got on the Capital Metro bus and it was Valentine's Day 2010. I arrived and attended the funerals. (They were my boyfriend and girlfriend and they killed themselves about a few days ago. I am all alone...) Then I got a bus ticket to a Greyhound Station in Austin and traveled back to where I first became Bisexual Goth with interest in gothic crossdressing and being a submissive in BDSM at 13 years old: Smithville, Texas. It was a place where me and my family lived at: Mom, her boyfriend, grandpa and stepgrandma, my niece Jadan and her mom who is my 18 years old sister Jessi and her boyfriend Levi. I went to the Rec Center after arriving to Brookshire Brothers (an grocery store) and walked to the Rec Center to email everyone I know and made phone calls to see if I can find a place to stay and looked up info on the net to see what kind of help is available. I was then suicidal seeing there is nothing in the future for me due to my recent loss and sexual harassment and almost sexual assualt. So I called 911 here in Smithville at the Rec Center and spent hours there with a woman named Dr. Barbara Webb from Bluebonnet Trails MHMR in Bastrop, Texas but this custody placement was in Smithville, Texas anyway with this woman and she evaluated me to see if I am able to go to ASH (Austin State Hospital) for a few days then I was put on the waiting list. I was then taken to my Grandpa's to stay for the night until we hear news from ASH. Then the police picked me up to the station to wait on Dr. Webb. They eventually let me go on Feb. 15th that day after the whole evaluation thing and all. Why? Because I didn't want ASH and I thought I might be okay. But unfortunely I am homeless still and at the Rec Center on this fucking computer right now, remembering all my Goth/LGBTQ friends/lovers that I've lost along the way in my life over the years including my recent loss, my pain, my sadness and suffering and sorrow and hate and anger.... my family is disowned from me and all my so-called friends that I thought I could rely on has forsaken me. They just said hey what's up then left me for good. They only chatted with me and never cared to help me. Now I need help and everything is fucked up again. I am all alone.... here in this fucked up small town who doesn't give a shit. Now I'm listening to "Snuff" by Slipknot to relate to my sorrow, recent loss and pain. I'm a Bisexual Goth with interest in Gothic cross-dressing and BDSM Submissive and hopefully I will find a way to make things work again. I am a high school graduate of 2007, homeless, an web designer, an artist, an dark and tormented poet/writer, musician, freelance photographer for weddings/funerals/LGBTQ community events/Gothic culture/BDSM, etc., disowned from family and forsaken by friends. I am a Schizoaffective/Post Traumatic Stress Disorder victim, raped 10 times and a victim of family violence. I am clean and sober from all alcohol and weed also. And I'm walking alone in this fucked cold world I live in. I was suicidal at 16 years old and was successful but brought back to life after witnessing heaven and sent to Hell and then back to life. I was humiliated in high school too after my cousin somehow suspected my sexuality and told everyone (she's a cheerleader) and ruined my life and betrayed her own flesh and blood. I was discriminated against by principals, some teachers, the entire high school student body, and I started losing friends who were LGBTQ who all killed themselves and my lovers also. They all fucking died and left me with a knife of sadness into my broken heart. I still have it inside of me. I am so lost and now I need help.... I wish I could exact my revenge against those who hurt me and my friends and lovers and kill them all. But I can't. I cannot go back to the past and just fuck up everything. I need to let go eventually. I don't know what to do now. I am so tormented and alone and I just can't seem to go on living like this..... I need to leave this fucked up small town and travel afar and find a new place to live and see my future to be positive in a new world.... I don't know.... I cannot heal after all I've been through in life.... Help me.
- Christopher "Draven/Amy" Dugger. (Draven is my goth nickname and Amy is my Bisexual name.)