This blog entry really is no more then a way for me to vent. Venting.

I was first introduced to Staind by my now ex. We were together five years. In that time we conceived, 4 children, 3 brought into the world safely. He left me for another woman. I'm not ashamed to say that I am a single mother. I am hurt. But who wouldnt be.

Staind's music means a lot to me. I listen to it often. When I'm sad, mad, confused. There msic reminds me of better time in my relationship with my ex. He was so eager to get me to listen to his favorite band and get rid of my love for z100s bullshit crap music as he liked to put it. And he hooked me. Some of my best and worst moments can be described my the band's lyrics. At times I cry about how deep those lyrics reach.

The most powerful at the moment. Devil. That is exactly as I feel. It's messed up.

The last concert I went, he went with me. We heard aaron's new song. Tears streamed down my face as I felt he had wrote those words for us alone. I fell in ove with him all over again tat night. It felt like old times. And as I got on the train that night, he looked at me like he did when he was 17 years old and adored me. And he said he loved me. Unforced. He kissed me.

Ugh. I'm sappy. And now my heart hurts. Love sometimes sucks. When you care for someone, would give your all for someone and all they do is continue to walk away from you.

" I always fail to see the little things infront of me, the things that mean so much to you, a way to let you know. How I appreciate the way you always tolerate and sometimes when I medicate frustrations in you show me how you feel."

"I swear I'm not the Devil...."


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