hi deborah, i just read your comment after a long hard day/night. after driving around for hours and contemplating what to do, i came up with a new approach. i think she has way too much time on her hands to be dependent/depressed, and unmotivated. so i told her she needs to be out of the house from 9-5 until she finds a job. she's been here 3 months and still doesn't have one. i spent the day feeling so bad, i'm sure you can guess how many awful thoughts i had going through my head, but she showed up at 5:05. yeah!!! and she left this morning again, she's not speaking to me, but she's getting the message. thanks for comments i really appreciate them, and i think your a great person for taking the time offer your wisdom on my situation. thanks... btw will you be my friend??? jill