A look inside for some insight

Hey everybody, I just wanted to get your thoughts and opinions on some of what I've been going through recently. I consider myself a spiritual kind of guy and I've always tried to pursue my own wholeness and happiness in of myself, but from past experiences it's always proven to me, at least so far, that they can't be reached by these means. It's been said, written, and even recanted that wholeness and stillness can be achieved by voiding one self of all attachment, but what if attachment, more specifically connection, is necessary in order to get such a happiness. Lately it seems I've poured my heart out in order to get what i've desired and no one bats an eye. So far as to nearly be forgotten on my birthday. I really don't think I'm asking for the world or anything, but just to have genuine friendship and appreciation from those that matter most is very important to me. Perhaps though it's wrong to want these things, like the song says, I have these type of schitzophrenic conversations with myself, so I'm always trying to figure out what perhaps I do deserve if anything. This isn't a matter of ego or anything like that, simply self-discovery and just figuring things out in general. What do you guys think about achieving the things you want? Is it better to wish for something and regret it rather than to not get it at all? What about getting them by deceitful means or boasting yourself so much you don't allow yourself to be forgotten? Sorry if all this seems like tripe, but I just had to write out some of my throught process. Please if you're willing, tell me what you think.

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Angela ^v^ on February 3, 2009 at 11:40pm

1st of all, I hope that one day we can make up for your birthday. We'll have to make it extra special. I'm so sorry that you feel lonesome and forgotten. I, for one, can say I treasure your friendship and feel close to you just from this short period of time. So I want you to know that people do care and maybe the people who DON'T pay much attention, don't really matter much any way.

I understand that you invest a lot of time and energy into some people/things and don't give much back in return. You're such a hard worker and so humble considering all you have done. I mean, look at all you do for US! Above all, you really help STAIND out. Without you, they'd have a lot more work to do and more importantly, you keep the fan base strong.
*You're the Fan Club moderator!
*You post new articles, interviews, pics, fan experiences, etc to keep us updated!
*You ran StaindSouls!
*You provide amazing fan art and awesome Staind photography from your portfolio.
*You troubleshoot for Staind and fans and promote the band like it's your job to.

Every Staind fan on here has been directly or indirectly affected by your generosity and willingness to help. Honestly, for years I figured that you were a member of Staind's crew or management team with all the work you do. You definitely deserve recognition- at least from us and Staind. I don't know about the other aspects of your life where you're finding it tough but know your Staind family is here for you. We love ya!

Permalink Reply by Staind413 on February 4, 2009 at 6:14pm

my sweet joshy-poo. i'm not one who's good with words. but, i think what angela said, couldnt have been said better. i've always let you know how much i appreciate everything you do, not only for me, but for everyone else (including aaron and the boys). words of encouragement , i swear i live by....my dad ALWAYS tells me, "the squeeky wheel, gets the most attention". and it's the truth! and not to be dickish (cause i would NEVER to you), just a little encouragement, stick your neck out a little every once in a while. make that squeel, let everyone know you ARE here. otherwise they might just just pass you right up. it can be easily done on this new board. you've got talent, knowledge, a soul, and a true love for staind/staind fans. SCREAM IT!!! i think some of these feelings youre experiencing, we've all, at one point or another, have questioned ourselves. but truly, its what we do with it, how we handle things, how we express out thoughts and emotions, how to move beyond the things that arent worth agitating your "self brutality". being proud to be you and those that surround you, with that equal amout of pride. not because of who you know, but who you are and who youve been to others. you josh, are a PHENOMINAL human being. and if others are'nt willing to get to know the real josh (from the inside out), it truly is, their loss. so be grateful to the people who love you and dont sweat the people that just are there to scratch the surface. your true friends WILL love you, for you. unconditionally. as far as your birthday. *AHHH! you know me....stoner. i wrote in down on my calander, ***lve bday msg, was away from my calander all day, and *big suprise* i forgot til monday. i'm sorry, my behavior, is not always my intent. so i do apologize.
******Happy Belated******

p.s. sorry for rambling. i was kinda ALL over in this one. :)

Permalink Reply by Josh on February 4, 2009 at 6:36pm

Thanks for your thoughts both of you, unfortunately I'm not too good with words either, but it really means a lot to hear your opinions. There's just a bunch of crap going on right now I wish were different and it's kinda snowballed, underappreciation at work, family pressure, etc... and of course it sucks somewhat being overlooked as far as Staind is concerned. I know these thoughts are a relativly normal thing, it just frustrates me and dumbfounds me sometimes when my own results and goals seemingly can't be reached. It's thats whole "it's got to be me thats the problem" mentality I guess it's kind hard to get over. Your guys' love and support truly means a lot. You guys are my family, and I hate to steal a Disturbed quote here, but you are my brothers, my sisters, my blood. Maybe my time and my moment will happen eventually, all I can do is try my best and hope.

Permalink Reply by Cyndi on February 4, 2009 at 9:59pm

Josh, I know we only chat once in awhile but I consider you to be one of the kindest,most genuine souks I know. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I,along with many others truly appreciate your kind and endearing persona. I wish you a happy belated birthday my friend and hope one day we will meet in person. I'm thankful to have you here and thankful that you shared your inner most thoughts with all of us. Thank you

Permalink Reply by Josh on February 15, 2009 at 4:39pm

I really appreciate everything you guys have said I really need that at times when I've felt like nothing, which sadly to say has been lately. If you guys are at all interested, the business I work for just suffered pay cuts across the board and I want respect from the higher ups there and lately it's seemed I've been overlooked there as well. I've put myself out there every way I know how and yet still nothing. I've kinda felt that if I've campaigned for what I desire I'd been seen as self-righteous and a dick for one of the few things in my life I look out for number one on. I've noticed people seem to like to rub their incredible experiences in others faces and I've never tried to do that, everything pertaining to you guys and to Staind is as personal as ever. I can only hope that May brings something, but if it only fails again I really don't know, I'll keep trying, but it can only do so much. Maybe I'm just being selfish and for that apologize, as far as I'm concerned I can in no way say what I deserve or are entitled to. Sorry just thinking/writing out loud again, thanks again you guys for your genuine care.