This is sooo hard to write but here goes
iam form australia and i have recently gone through and still are going through some tough shit
this is going to be long but here goes!
Iam 25yrs old and the father of 2 little boys and was happily engaged to a beautiful woman
that was untill she found her biological family mainly her violent drunk evil lying father!
i grew up in foster care and so did my ex partner
and i grew up without knowing my father and i guess as brave as you try to be it does affect you
i have been told lie after lie after lie about him
and i guess not having a father effects you when you become a father
theres fear,excitement but memmories as well
but you see i felt like i was with the best person in the world
my love for my ex is sooo real and sooo true
i believe in love for what its meant to be and unfortunatly that involves letting her walk all over me and trying to make excuses for the way shes hurt me
like that her f#@K of a father is controlling her
coz you see thats were i f@$ked up i know she can be controlled and influenced
when our first son was born i changed you see
and regretfully i became controlling more so with our money
and i stated to suffer depression coz i also have a little girl and my foster mother basically stole her off me with the help of a lovely corperation called dhs
and when i had my son i craved my daughter
i dint want to love one more than the other and didnt want her growing up thinking that i loved my son but not her and to deal with my depression i went out and spent most our money on cds and dvds
and look i will be honest i was lazy and im not going to try to make out that i wasnt
you see i only want to get the truth out and lets face it im not perfect but i do love her and my boys
but as i was saying i became controlling and we started to fall apart
we were living in supported accomidation which isnt what i wanted you see i wanted to give her and our kids a proper life and i knew deep down it saddned her to see what other couples could achieve and i felt guilty i had troubles keeping a job due to learning difficulties and bosses just not giving me a fair go with patience required
i just wanted to give her everything but was soo restricted and just gave her a life with housing workers and this association and that association
so when her sister who also lived in fostercare found there parents
we were suddenly moving up there and it was good at first
but then she started to go for whatever her parents said over what we had decided on together
and that really hurt to see all our plans and joint decisions go out the window just like that!
she wondered why i felt uncomfortable about her father when she knew why!
you see my ex was sexually abused by her father he faced trial many times but had some smartase of lawyer that gave my ex a hardtime so her dad kept getting hung jury and up untill that momment she had hated him and wished him dead but as soon as she had the chance to know him again they became best friends and she did and does whatever he says
but getting to that....
i dont know why and i do forgive her but after a short argument over yet again our plans going out the window she broke down and told her dad everything and that night resulted in me being held over the kichen sink by the scruff of my neck and punched in the face
and told not by her but by him that the relationship was over and i was going back home without her or my son and during this time she was pregnant with my other son
during this time multiple apon multiple death threats i recieved from her dad and i was scared coz id herd many stories of what he had done during his drunk rages not to mention being in and out of prison for drink driving blues,assult and stuff i dont know about but also not that i can or even want to confirm it claims his mates with one of the big bikie groups
so for 8mths i stayed away knowing the truth even though i couldnt do anything about it not getting to see my son missing his first bday and the birth of our next son
they even replaced any identity of me as the father with there own
and changed my other sons last name to there own and talked my ex to retacking her birth name bak
after 8mths i couldnt take it anymore i loved my ex still(if anyone ever tells you the saying you dont know what you had till you loose it isnt true are lying coz believe me its true!) so after 8mths i started to do parenting courses councilling for my issues and seeked legal help which led to mediation
which suprisingly went really well and they agreed to me seeing my first son
now it was meant to be supervised by an agreed party but instead her father constently showed up and did the supervisation(he had convinced her id do a runner with my son) (but i could never do that to her) during access he convinced me that if i played my cards right i could have my boys and ex bak and really acted like he cared and wanted me bak with my daughter and guess what i fell for it
like usual i wore my heart on my sleeve and we got bak together
but this time it was on there terms i had to move in with them straight away
which was ok at first yeah like maybe the first week
then things became hell
first i had to hear my ex tell me that her dad convinced her that he didnt abuse her that dhs brainwashed her to believe it and how hurt she had made him living her feeling guilty and angry at herself
which i tried to tell her not to feel that i knew the truth and straight waway she went and told her dad what i had said you know trying to confidentually comfort her yet she goes and tells him
but anyway while i was there i was constently threatened this person doesnt like you this person wants to kill you your lucky to have ex bak she wouldnt of taken you bak if it wasnt for me having a ifluence on the situation and other threats but the rule was i had to find a job and work hard to keep it and pay rent and support ex and boys
which was fine i had agreed to this
i worked hard harder than i have in my life
and everynite i would have to come home to her drunk father and be threatened with the same crap
my ex and i wernt getting closer infact she treated me like she hadnt wanted me bak but saw the benifits of me taking the boys off her hands and taking money off me
so when i got home from work i would say hi to her and go play with my sons
i had tried endless times to get close to her and she knocked me bak so i thought i would put my energy into my sons
well then i got told i was ignoring her and that my son was used to being alone and ignored and didnt need to play with him
yet when i would try to engage my ex in conversation or ask if there was anything she wanted me to do
she would basically shut me down
and then her dad would accuse me infront of her that i didnt love her
but oneday after working really hard my boss let me go claiming that i really wasnt cut out for that job
i was really bummed out and really disappointed with myself
and really scared to tell my ex coz i knew shed tell her dad
so i got home and said nothing but later that night i kinda slipped up about something to her dad and like i was sum litte kid or somthing he decided to check up on me and ring my boss who told him i had been fired
and then her dad stood over me telling me i deliberately got fired so i could just laze around at home with my ex
so i lied to him out of fright and said i didnt know he had fired me
well that was the wrong thing to do he belted me in the mouth harder than ive been hit before
so the next day i didnt come home i stayed out all night for 3days letting ex know i wasnt coming home till i found another job bcoz i wanted to prove to her i could do the right thing
but did they see it that way hell no!
he cconvinced her i didnt want to help her with the boys
he didnt get that i was doing this so i could support her and the boys
so when i finally agreed to come home after finding a job i was yet again threatened and pushed around and told that i was only to go to work and come straight home
i wasnt aloud to socialise or even get councilling for how i was feeling which was petrified!!!
so again i didnt come home i needed to get help i was sick of the threats and getting hit and watching get drunk and pick my son up who mind you was only 1yrs old by the scruff of his neck sworn at and kicked like he was a football and i swear when i saw that i just wanted to go her father but couldnt due to being frozen with fear so as i was saying i left again but this time i rang my ex and explained to her the real reason i didnt come home and she said that she spoke to her dad and that he would leave me and her to talk about things and work things out
now my gut knew somthing was up and that it wouldnt be that easy
but yet again i followed my heart and my love for my boys and went back
now when i went bak she wasnt there just her dad he acted nice at first but then started asking me do you really love ex and the boys coz i dont think you do
so i tried to explain to him the truth and he said i dont wont to make you feel that way i just want to see you do the right thing by ex and the boys i feel sorry for you and i want to lead you on the right path
now stupidly i was believing every word he said then finally my ex and the boys showed up
and i swear i got to see them for no longer than a split minute when he promised that he would let me and her talk he damanded the rent off me which suddenly increased by like 200
when i said i only had what he had agreed for me to pay he started drinking faster than ive known anyone to drink beer and then said dont you think you owe my wife an apology
so other than thinking it was coz i left ex to take care of the boys the nights i had stayed out i apologised and then she demanded the extra money while telling me what a peice of s@#!T she thought i was
so when yet again i said i dint have the extra money her father turned on me
belted me around the room untill i smashed out the window and tried to escape he then caught me and started to throw all over the road kicking and punching me and choking me
i could bairly see my eyes and face was that bruised
next thing i managed to make a break i was that disorientated i thought i had run a mile but reality was i had only made it to one of the nighbouring houses were i layed in there side lawn for an hour or so unawhere that her dad knew i was there and had gone away and come bak waiting for me to raise my head
when i finally did he grabbed me and slammed my head into the road again and told me they had called the cops what for i didnt know but i was glad to hear they had so bairly concious i replied good
thinking he was lying and to my amazement he wasnt and he gave me another few hard hits untill police draged me away from him
and then strange to me then cuffed me and put me into the police van
after talking to him they came and spoke to me claiming i should know why i was getting aressted and it was only till the ambos came and police escorted i was taken to hospital
i recieved a broken nose fractured eye sockets, broken jaw,and multiple regions of cuts and sever bruises
and then told i was getting interviewed in relation to my exs alligation
i had that night done somthing sexual to my son
i couldnt believe what that peice of evil s#!T had said to them
he had tried to lie about what he had done to his daughter and say i did it to my son
who as i have said got to see for a split second before he was dragged away so he didnt see what her father had planned for me
iam soo lost without my boys and to know that he could lie about somthing so evil
the police proved that nothing had happned to my son but i havnt seen or spoken to any of them since that night just the police
i just dont know what to do i just know that iam right about her father the peice of lying maggot evil child abusing drunk controlling prick that he is
should i feel bad that i want to kill him
not only has he stole my family made my ex hate me and think that i cant do the right thing
make her feel guilty and like a bad daughter controlling her emotions and thoughts
but he said the one thing i couldnot wouldnot or even think of doing to my little boy
i just dont know what to do i miss my boys and stupidly probably my ex
iam hurt iam angry and my heart is bleeding
and if it wasnt for staind and my little boys id probably give up and be dead