this isn't staind related, but i need some help!!!
i recently took in my neice whom lost her mother (she died) and father (he went to jail) into my home, and have given all my trust to her. she has no job and was homeless. i didn't want the things that i went through at her age to be her fate, so i thought i would give her my all. i have a 15 yr old daughter as well and i must admit she is a great kid (with a cocky attitude), but no drugs or alcohol, she gets good grades and is an athlete. since my neice has been here i've lost my husband (kicked his sorry ass out), my only surviving sister (the reason i kicked my husband's sorry ass out) and my dearest friend (jaded and fake) so i have noone to talk to about the issues that are arising. i left my home for a few days on business and came home to find the bottle of bacardi that i had marked nearly gone. (that bottle has been in my cabinet for years) and two girls swearing they didn't touch it. i've heard that my neice talks about me and is lying about every little thing. my world is falling apart and i'm wondering what i should do about it. are there any suggestions on how to get this girl on the right track short of tough love??? i really don't want to see her on the streets or in a crack house somewhere, does anyone from massachusetts know of any places or agencies that help kids who are over 18 and in need of some training or guidance? i know this site is filled with people of all ages and backgrounds and i was hoping someone who could relate may find this post and give me some hope. before i lose what little of my mind i have left...
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by LEFTYJLAJ on -
wish i could come up with something better then this.... but its all i got......
only tough love worked for me. REAL tough love. and when it came down to it i wasnt ready to grow up til i was ready. cant magically change people.
take care of YOURSELF
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Permalink Reply by jmnmcckd on -
thanks for reminding me i need to take care of myself. it seems like all i do is take care of everybody else (in vain)... btw, how old were you when you decided to grow up??? and what do you mean i can't magically change people... hahaha... thanks for the reply, your a doll... -jill
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Permalink Reply by jmnmcckd on
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LEFTYJLAJ said:
thanks for reminding me i need to take care of myself. it seems like all i do is take care of everybody else (in vain)... btw, how old were you when you decided to grow up??? and what do you mean i can't magically change people... hahaha... thanks for the reply, your a doll... -jillwish i could come up with something better then this.... but its all i got......
only tough love worked for me. REAL tough love. and when it came down to it i wasnt ready to grow up til i was ready. cant magically change people.
take care of YOURSELF
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Permalink Reply by Lisa (AKA) ADDICTEDtoStAiND on -
Maybe looking into a parenting class mite help. Eric is right take care of yourself and don't let all this run you down. Kids in their teens go through so many phases they will keep you on your toes. Teen girls lie it's just something they do to look cool to their friends I think, they talk mad shit to fit in with their friends.
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Permalink Reply by jmnmcckd on
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Lisa (AKA) ADDICTEDtoStAiND said:
can you say MAD shit... thanks lisa... i know you're right about the parenting classes, at this point i'll do anything to keep these girls from deystroying themselves and me... do you think i need parenting classes because you sense i may beat them in the foreseeable future??? hahaha...don't worry, i'm just kidding, i won't beat the children... thanks for taking the time to reply, eric's a doll and your a sweetheart... :)Maybe looking into a parenting class mite help. Eric is right take care of yourself and don't let all this run you down. Kids in their teens go through so many phases they will keep you on your toes. Teen girls lie it's just something they do to look cool to their friends I think, they talk mad shit to fit in with their friends.
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Permalink Reply by Randy on -
If you're thinking drugs and/or alcohol is the problem. Try contacting your local Al-Anon meeting. People there could definitely help.
But yea tough love is most likely the only way, unless she is truly ready to surrender. From my experience I had ran out of options. It was either enter rehab or my manager at work was going to let me go, and my parent's weren't going to take me in.
Hope things get better.
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Permalink Reply by LEFTYJLAJ on
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shit im still trying to grow up. haha
and i just mean there isnt one thing that you can do to magically changer. there is no right answer. some shit just has to take its course. thats why i said take care of yourself cause youll kill yourself trying to help her. you come first. and yes i agree that alanon would help if its a drug thing.
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Permalink Reply by Deborah Obrien on -
Hey you know most of the time, when kids act out ,Its from pain, they act out like your neices are. They have lost family. Its like a recovering addict learning to trust again. They trust no one. So why would they trust you. So of course they will lie. Of course they are acting out. I dont have answers for you .But myself being a recovering addict. Tuff love. Bounderies, and love in general. Trust is a gift you have to earn. Patience is a tool we all in life could learn to use. It s hard to come by. She needs to work on herself for sure tho, Take her to an N.A or A.A meeting. Drinking isnt the answer. Set your bonderies. Its not YOUR responsibility if she doesnt play by your rules. She is controlling you. Shouldnt it be more of you controlling her? If thats the case . She has to move. Or you will go crazy. Her growth is up to her , not you . Dont feel guilty , or she will use it on you. Trust me. I was her once I had to fall flat on my face before I got up......Ok blah blah blah just my thoughts.
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Permalink Reply by Miriam on -
Everyone is right, tough love is sometimes the only way to make a difference. Being consistent and following through are probably the hardest part. Well, maybe not losing yourself and keeping your chin up might be a little harder. I am writing this in hopes that it will give you some encouragement and hope too. I have two daughters. The oldest is 21 - she is everything a mother could want!! Rewind 7 years... you name it she did it, drugs & alcohol, quit school. hated me. We did counseling, rehab- you name it. It helped some but for the most part didn't matter until she made up her mind. She did do one awesome thing back then - She turned me on to Staind!! I'm in Round 2 with another 16 year old now! I'm a little thin for the wear but hopeful since I've seen one come through it. Parenting classes will help you keep you sanity. Remeber, take care of YOU!
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