MEMBERS OF STAIND *ESP. AARON LEWIS* PLEASE READ...CONCERNING SONG "ZOE JANE" & MY CHILDHOOD...
Hi. My name is Heather Duke & I am 21 years old. Growing up, my biological father chose other "things" such as drugs, alcohol, his low life friends, etc. over being in my life. I was raised as an only child who had her mother, grandmother, and grandfather as family. My grandfather was my father figure and I could count on him with whatever and whenever I needed his help or advice. My grandfather passed away from congestive heart failure in July of 2006. I have a tattoo in memory of him on my arm containing a heart w/wings and lettering. You will be able to see what I designed exactly for him in the picture below.
In 2007, I was very determined in finding my biological father. I checked with several people and found that he had been on the run from the police since 1998 because of two warrants for his arrest. Basically, I had found a past address that was under his name, went to it, and he was not there. The woman who currently lives at the house informed me that I had a half-sister named Ambur Wray. I didn't know what to think as the woman was telling me about my sister. She then said that she had not seen her in 10 years. That brought my hopes for trying to find members from my father's side of the family straight down the drain.
After months and months doing my best to find my sister Ambur, I finally found her. I was so scared about what she would think...but things went better than I have ever dreamed of. Although we have different mothers, we still have the same father and the characteristics we share are unbelievable! We had officially met in person on Jan. 14th of 2008. The feeling I had when I had found her was indescribable. Growing up, I had always thought I was an only child. I did not find out about her until I was 19 and did not officially meet her until I was 20 years old. It has been over a year since we had met. We see each other at least once a week, and I am going to see her graduate from high school in May. I also got a tattoo for her. She will be getting the same tattoo on her 18th birthday. The A stand for Ambur and the H stands for Heather. The only downfall about all of this is that her mother will not take the time to get to know me for me. Her mother is a very close-minded person and she had told my sister that the reason she will not bargain and give me a chance is because when she looks at me, all she sees is mine and Ambur's father. Yes, I do look a lot like him but that does not mean I have anything else in common with him. All he is is a dead-beat father who is extremely cold-hearted and does not care about anyone, including himself.
I have no seen my father since I was 3 years old. I barely remember him being in my life until that point. My mother had told me a while back that he was tell us that he was coming over to see me and I would get really excited, but then...he would never show. I haven't seen him in so long...that is over 18 years of wondering if I might have passed him in public without knowing. My sister has not seen him since she was 18 months so she has absolutely no memory at all concerning him.
On March 18th 2009, my mother received a little that read about a court date "State of Tennessee: Duke vs. Duke" which will be held on April 14th 2009. The state had finally found my father and the court date is scheduled for back pay of child support. I honestly could care less about the money. Yes, it is around $30,000 and yes, it has been rough growing up and having to work full-time as soon as I was able to legally. But I do not need money to be successful and be happy with life. I am a full-time college student going for my EMT-Paramedic certificate and doing extremely well. Everything is going great for me...other than not having the closure I need from my biological father. I am going to see him for the first time in 18 years in a court room. I had been waiting for this day to come for years...but for some reason, now that I actually have the chance to do what I have dreamed of, I am having SO MANY MIXED FEELINGS. The first words I am going to be able to say to him will be in front of everyone in the court room as I am on the stand. I honestly do not know what I am going to say...if I am going to be able to say anything at all.
Now on to the song "Zoe Jane"…
This is really hard for me to type to try and get you to understand how I feel, but I am going to do my best. I have been TERRIFIED of dating and getting really serious with someone. I have one major trust issue with men in general because of what I have seen my mother go through, as well as myself growing up and now. I do not want to fall in love with someone and have a child and then have the man go and repeat MY father's actions. My dream husband, father of my future children, is described in this song, Zoe Jane. Whenever I hear this song…as Aaron goes on with the lyrics…if I am alone, I always begin to tear up, if not cry my eyes out especially when he sings “I’ll always love you, the way that a father should love his daughter.” in the chorus. My dream is to have a husband who will love and care for our children for his entire life. I am currently with a wonderful man. I have not known him too entirely long but I have never been with someone who is this respectful, caring, loving, family oriented, responsible, etc. I could go on and on about how much of an amazing guy my boyfriend is. He is a bit older than I am and I want to trust him with everything I have. With him by my side, I am beginning to overcome my biggest fear in life more and more as each day passes.
Staind,
I have been a fan since you came out with your first album, Tormented. Yes, I was young but as you were releasing albums, I was growing older and understood what your songs were about. Your song “For You” is the top-second song I can relate to. My mother was always working (12 hour shifts – 4 to 5 days a week) to provide me with a roof over my head, food, clothing, etc. yet she never seemed to be there for me emotionally.
I have had the chance to see you perform twice. Once at The Beale Street Music Festival (Memphis in May 2006) in Memphis, TN then in Nashville, TN at the Riverfront in August of 2008. I was at the very front, a little left (your view) of the stage. If you recall, there was a man who opened for the bands. I could not remember his name which really bothered me because he sung this one song that literally caused me to break out in tears while listening. The song was about him growing up without his father in his life and he was raised by his mother, grandfather, and grandmother. Well, he sung a verse where his grandfather (his father-figure) had passed away and not too long after that, his grandmother passed away. That REALLY got to me because almost a year after my grandfather (my father-figure) had passed, I almost lost my grandmother. She had been in the hospital for 4 months straight and her blood pressure had once gotten down to 30/12. The nurses and doctors seemed to have lost hope but I could not give up on my grandmother and sure enough, she pulled through! But yeah, that song had really gotten to me a lot…I tried my best after the show had ended to search for him (the man who opened yall’s show) but had no success. Anyway, you guys had played an awesome set. During the song “For You” Aaron actually tossed a guitar pick to me and I had thought I missed it and when I looked up at him, he pointed at his shirt to let me know it went down the front of my top which really made me laugh. Seeing you guys really did make my night for sure. The only thing that bothers me is that I have not seen you perform “Zoe Jane” live. If I EVER found out that you were planning on performing “Zoe Jane” at a show, I would do my damnedest to be there, whether the show is in Tennessee or California, I would be there!
My boyfriend and I have been a fan of you guys for years. He has never seen you before so I am treating him by taking him to see you in North Little Rock, AR on May 9th 2009 at Cooper Farm. Now I know you guys get millions of requests from fans concerning songs they want to hear, but I feel as if hearing this song, will help me attain the closure I need concerning the situation with my biological father. So, the one thing I have to ask is, would you guys play “Zoe Jane” for me at the North Little Rock, AR show on May 9th? If you will, it will touch the bottom of my heart.
Heather Duke
Location: Jackson, TN
Email: itsheatherduke@yahoo.com
In 2007, I was very determined in finding my biological father. I checked with several people and found that he had been on the run from the police since 1998 because of two warrants for his arrest. Basically, I had found a past address that was under his name, went to it, and he was not there. The woman who currently lives at the house informed me that I had a half-sister named Ambur Wray. I didn't know what to think as the woman was telling me about my sister. She then said that she had not seen her in 10 years. That brought my hopes for trying to find members from my father's side of the family straight down the drain.
After months and months doing my best to find my sister Ambur, I finally found her. I was so scared about what she would think...but things went better than I have ever dreamed of. Although we have different mothers, we still have the same father and the characteristics we share are unbelievable! We had officially met in person on Jan. 14th of 2008. The feeling I had when I had found her was indescribable. Growing up, I had always thought I was an only child. I did not find out about her until I was 19 and did not officially meet her until I was 20 years old. It has been over a year since we had met. We see each other at least once a week, and I am going to see her graduate from high school in May. I also got a tattoo for her. She will be getting the same tattoo on her 18th birthday. The A stand for Ambur and the H stands for Heather. The only downfall about all of this is that her mother will not take the time to get to know me for me. Her mother is a very close-minded person and she had told my sister that the reason she will not bargain and give me a chance is because when she looks at me, all she sees is mine and Ambur's father. Yes, I do look a lot like him but that does not mean I have anything else in common with him. All he is is a dead-beat father who is extremely cold-hearted and does not care about anyone, including himself.
I have no seen my father since I was 3 years old. I barely remember him being in my life until that point. My mother had told me a while back that he was tell us that he was coming over to see me and I would get really excited, but then...he would never show. I haven't seen him in so long...that is over 18 years of wondering if I might have passed him in public without knowing. My sister has not seen him since she was 18 months so she has absolutely no memory at all concerning him.
On March 18th 2009, my mother received a little that read about a court date "State of Tennessee: Duke vs. Duke" which will be held on April 14th 2009. The state had finally found my father and the court date is scheduled for back pay of child support. I honestly could care less about the money. Yes, it is around $30,000 and yes, it has been rough growing up and having to work full-time as soon as I was able to legally. But I do not need money to be successful and be happy with life. I am a full-time college student going for my EMT-Paramedic certificate and doing extremely well. Everything is going great for me...other than not having the closure I need from my biological father. I am going to see him for the first time in 18 years in a court room. I had been waiting for this day to come for years...but for some reason, now that I actually have the chance to do what I have dreamed of, I am having SO MANY MIXED FEELINGS. The first words I am going to be able to say to him will be in front of everyone in the court room as I am on the stand. I honestly do not know what I am going to say...if I am going to be able to say anything at all.
Now on to the song "Zoe Jane"…
This is really hard for me to type to try and get you to understand how I feel, but I am going to do my best. I have been TERRIFIED of dating and getting really serious with someone. I have one major trust issue with men in general because of what I have seen my mother go through, as well as myself growing up and now. I do not want to fall in love with someone and have a child and then have the man go and repeat MY father's actions. My dream husband, father of my future children, is described in this song, Zoe Jane. Whenever I hear this song…as Aaron goes on with the lyrics…if I am alone, I always begin to tear up, if not cry my eyes out especially when he sings “I’ll always love you, the way that a father should love his daughter.” in the chorus. My dream is to have a husband who will love and care for our children for his entire life. I am currently with a wonderful man. I have not known him too entirely long but I have never been with someone who is this respectful, caring, loving, family oriented, responsible, etc. I could go on and on about how much of an amazing guy my boyfriend is. He is a bit older than I am and I want to trust him with everything I have. With him by my side, I am beginning to overcome my biggest fear in life more and more as each day passes.
Staind,
I have been a fan since you came out with your first album, Tormented. Yes, I was young but as you were releasing albums, I was growing older and understood what your songs were about. Your song “For You” is the top-second song I can relate to. My mother was always working (12 hour shifts – 4 to 5 days a week) to provide me with a roof over my head, food, clothing, etc. yet she never seemed to be there for me emotionally.
I have had the chance to see you perform twice. Once at The Beale Street Music Festival (Memphis in May 2006) in Memphis, TN then in Nashville, TN at the Riverfront in August of 2008. I was at the very front, a little left (your view) of the stage. If you recall, there was a man who opened for the bands. I could not remember his name which really bothered me because he sung this one song that literally caused me to break out in tears while listening. The song was about him growing up without his father in his life and he was raised by his mother, grandfather, and grandmother. Well, he sung a verse where his grandfather (his father-figure) had passed away and not too long after that, his grandmother passed away. That REALLY got to me because almost a year after my grandfather (my father-figure) had passed, I almost lost my grandmother. She had been in the hospital for 4 months straight and her blood pressure had once gotten down to 30/12. The nurses and doctors seemed to have lost hope but I could not give up on my grandmother and sure enough, she pulled through! But yeah, that song had really gotten to me a lot…I tried my best after the show had ended to search for him (the man who opened yall’s show) but had no success. Anyway, you guys had played an awesome set. During the song “For You” Aaron actually tossed a guitar pick to me and I had thought I missed it and when I looked up at him, he pointed at his shirt to let me know it went down the front of my top which really made me laugh. Seeing you guys really did make my night for sure. The only thing that bothers me is that I have not seen you perform “Zoe Jane” live. If I EVER found out that you were planning on performing “Zoe Jane” at a show, I would do my damnedest to be there, whether the show is in Tennessee or California, I would be there!
My boyfriend and I have been a fan of you guys for years. He has never seen you before so I am treating him by taking him to see you in North Little Rock, AR on May 9th 2009 at Cooper Farm. Now I know you guys get millions of requests from fans concerning songs they want to hear, but I feel as if hearing this song, will help me attain the closure I need concerning the situation with my biological father. So, the one thing I have to ask is, would you guys play “Zoe Jane” for me at the North Little Rock, AR show on May 9th? If you will, it will touch the bottom of my heart.
Heather Duke
Location: Jackson, TN
Email: itsheatherduke@yahoo.com
Tags: father, figure, jane, please, read!, staind, zoe
Views: 157
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Heather on -
Aw, don't let that make you feel bad. I'm 100% sure that I wouldn't be the person who I am today if my father was in my life, and I'm sure your daughter is better off as well (from what you said about her father being a dead beat). I actually found my father and met him on April 13th of this year. It was a very emotional night (for both me and him), but at least I got the closure I needed. I actually have his number now...it feels good to know that for 19 years, there was no way for me to contact him, and now...I can call whenever I please. I'm not too close to him (by choice), and it'll probably always be that way simply because of the choices he made, but I don't regret anything.
As far as your relationship with your daughter...I know it's hard but just make sure you're there for her 100% and that she knows she's able to come to you for anything and that you're there for her if she needs to talk (or whatever else the case is) because I promise that whenever she gets older...she'll begin having a lot of questions and will want answers. If you're unsure on how to answer, tell her you're not sure. Just don't lie to her because that will cause remorse when she finds out the truth. And yeah, it may take days, months, or even years like with me, but she will find the answers out eventually either way. But just remember that she is better off, and you are too :)
Justus said:Wow I'm sorry to hear that. It makes me sad because the way that I can relate to it is that I am the single mom with a daughter who has a dead beat father. I always worry from day to day how it will affect her. She is 7. Currently the only father figure she has in her life is her grandfather. And, I work my ass off all the time to try and make ends meet. I feel guilty a lot of times because I don't get to spend as much time as I would like to with her. I worry that she will hate me for it. But, I do the best I can and I know that when I do spend time with her she is happy. It's just hard. And seeing it from your point of view makes me think. But, at least you keep your head up high and do the best you can do and remember you are loved!!!
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Permalink Reply by Heather on
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The first picture is of the night I first met my father. The second one was taken 2 weeks later. The third is of me, my mom, and dad all playing pool together 3 months after I first met him. :)
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Permalink Reply by Jenny Lee on -
Wow who knew so many of us would have this in common,but then again I guess that's what brings us all together here. I too have a dead beat father. I have 2 older sisters and I remember growing up so many sundays we would sit outside on the front steps waiting for him to come and pick us up and many times he didn't show cuz he was on his favorite bar stool. In june of 1986 I wasn't even 2 yet but I remember, he came to my house to pick us up and he was drunk as a skunk and my grandfather wouldn't let him take us. So we stayed with our grandparents as my mother was working. My sisters wanted some fruit so my grandfather went out to get it. Now across the street from my house was 95 and you could see the highway and the off ramp he would have taken to come home. He stopped to help 2 old ladies change a flat tire and as he did he was struck by a drunk driver and his back pocket got caught on the bumper and he was dragged down the highway. And he later died at the hospital. He was burried on my 2nd birthday! If it weren't for my father showing up drunk he might not have been killed that day. So I"ve always resented my father for always choosin alcohol over his children. I watched my mother go through abusive relationships and I always wanted the life I never had.You know that sense of security that you get from a male figure in your life? I ended up dropping out of hs and I got married when I was 18. He was verbally and mentally abusive everyday for 5 yrs til I got the courage to leave him. You know even tho my father wasn't there much for me when i was growing up, and I always said I wouldnt'care if he died or even cry about it. A few yrs ago he was stabbed and robbed and I had a msg on my phone from a cousin saying "sorry to hear about your dad" Now I didn't know if he was dead or alive and you know what I did cry. Cuz as much of a fuck he's been my whole life he's still my father and you really only have one.
Now I also have 2 half brothers and they both have different moms. I also know I have a half sister who is a month younger than me and all I know is her name is Melissa. Her mother and my father were having an affair and when she got pregnant she was with another guy. She told that guy that it was his child and my father left the picture. I'm now 25 yrs old and all I know is her first name. I would love to find her, but at the same time I don't. What if she doesn't know that guy isn't her father and they have a great life? How could I ruin that for my sister? That's the one thing I always wanted in life, so I can't ruin that for her. But it def. sux not knowing a sibling! And just for the record Alcoholism is not a disease, it's a choice, Diabetes, now that's a disease!!!
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Permalink Reply by Rammi Alqannas on -
Hey Jenny
I know that you miss your grandfarther and i know that you think that if your father didn't show up he might be still with you but I wish really that you wrap your head around this، this is what meant to happened for him,it was his time to leave it was destined to pass away that day since the day he was born.
This should make feel that life is short to harpor no matter how long we live I know that for sure!
Believe it or not
Jenny Lee said:Wow who knew so many of us would have this in common,but then again I guess that's what brings us all together here. I too have a dead beat father. I have 2 older sisters and I remember growing up so many sundays we would sit outside on the front steps waiting for him to come and pick us up and many times he didn't show cuz he was on his favorite bar stool. In june of 1986 I wasn't even 2 yet but I remember, he came to my house to pick us up and he was drunk as a skunk and my grandfather wouldn't let him take us. So we stayed with our grandparents as my mother was working. My sisters wanted some fruit so my grandfather went out to get it. Now across the street from my house was 95 and you could see the highway and the off ramp he would have taken to come home. He stopped to help 2 old ladies change a flat tire and as he did he was struck by a drunk driver and his back pocket got caught on the bumper and he was dragged down the highway. And he later died at the hospital. He was burried on my 2nd birthday! If it weren't for my father showing up drunk he might not have been killed that day. So I"ve always resented my father for always choosin alcohol over his children. I watched my mother go through abusive relationships and I always wanted the life I never had.You know that sense of security that you get from a male figure in your life? I ended up dropping out of hs and I got married when I was 18. He was verbally and mentally abusive everyday for 5 yrs til I got the courage to leave him. You know even tho my father wasn't there much for me when i was growing up, and I always said I wouldnt'care if he died or even cry about it. A few yrs ago he was stabbed and robbed and I had a msg on my phone from a cousin saying "sorry to hear about your dad" Now I didn't know if he was dead or alive and you know what I did cry. Cuz as much of a fuck he's been my whole life he's still my father and you really only have one.
Now I also have 2 half brothers and they both have different moms. I also know I have a half sister who is a month younger than me and all I know is her name is Melissa. Her mother and my father were having an affair and when she got pregnant she was with another guy. She told that guy that it was his child and my father left the picture. I'm now 25 yrs old and all I know is her first name. I would love to find her, but at the same time I don't. What if she doesn't know that guy isn't her father and they have a great life? How could I ruin that for my sister? That's the one thing I always wanted in life, so I can't ruin that for her. But it def. sux not knowing a sibling! And just for the record Alcoholism is not a disease, it's a choice, Diabetes, now that's a disease!!!
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Permalink Reply by Heather on
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Jenny,
You're right, it does help to know that you're not the only one out there with this situation. Just try and keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. You may not learn what the reason is tomorrow, next week, or even 5+ yrs. from now...but it will come. I promise. After I finally found my father after not seeing him for almost 20 years, he proved me wrong. I was thinking he had changed, when he had not. The first birthday and Christmas he could have spent with me after all those years...you know what he did? Not a DAMN thing. No call, nothing. I am happy to say that I am done with him. I got what I needed, and that was closure. It was hard, yes. But I got my questions answered and learned how he was for myself. Now it's time to throw away the key. I am currently in the process of changing my name to Patterson, which was my grandfather's last name. My father doesn't deserve to have a daughter with his last name.
But I completely understand what you're going through. All I can say is keep in mind what you deserve and that you're so much better off without the bs. Congrats on getting away from the abusive relationship! I know for a fact that takes guts.
Also, I'd like to add that I FINALLY got to hear Zoe Jane live at Aaron's acoustic show in Tunica, MS on Jan 23, 2010. I recorded a video of it and uploaded to my profile on here. I bawled my eyes out, yes. But the video is worth watching!
Jenny Lee said:Wow who knew so many of us would have this in common,but then again I guess that's what brings us all together here. I too have a dead beat father. I have 2 older sisters and I remember growing up so many sundays we would sit outside on the front steps waiting for him to come and pick us up and many times he didn't show cuz he was on his favorite bar stool. In june of 1986 I wasn't even 2 yet but I remember, he came to my house to pick us up and he was drunk as a skunk and my grandfather wouldn't let him take us. So we stayed with our grandparents as my mother was working. My sisters wanted some fruit so my grandfather went out to get it. Now across the street from my house was 95 and you could see the highway and the off ramp he would have taken to come home. He stopped to help 2 old ladies change a flat tire and as he did he was struck by a drunk driver and his back pocket got caught on the bumper and he was dragged down the highway. And he later died at the hospital. He was burried on my 2nd birthday! If it weren't for my father showing up drunk he might not have been killed that day. So I"ve always resented my father for always choosin alcohol over his children. I watched my mother go through abusive relationships and I always wanted the life I never had.You know that sense of security that you get from a male figure in your life? I ended up dropping out of hs and I got married when I was 18. He was verbally and mentally abusive everyday for 5 yrs til I got the courage to leave him. You know even tho my father wasn't there much for me when i was growing up, and I always said I wouldnt'care if he died or even cry about it. A few yrs ago he was stabbed and robbed and I had a msg on my phone from a cousin saying "sorry to hear about your dad" Now I didn't know if he was dead or alive and you know what I did cry. Cuz as much of a fuck he's been my whole life he's still my father and you really only have one.
Now I also have 2 half brothers and they both have different moms. I also know I have a half sister who is a month younger than me and all I know is her name is Melissa. Her mother and my father were having an affair and when she got pregnant she was with another guy. She told that guy that it was his child and my father left the picture. I'm now 25 yrs old and all I know is her first name. I would love to find her, but at the same time I don't. What if she doesn't know that guy isn't her father and they have a great life? How could I ruin that for my sister? That's the one thing I always wanted in life, so I can't ruin that for her. But it def. sux not knowing a sibling! And just for the record Alcoholism is not a disease, it's a choice, Diabetes, now that's a disease!!!
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