MEMBERS OF STAIND *ESP. AARON LEWIS* PLEASE READ...CONCERNING SONG "ZOE JANE" & MY CHILDHOOD...
Hi. My name is Heather Duke & I am 21 years old. Growing up, my biological father chose other "things" such as drugs, alcohol, his low life friends, etc. over being in my life. I was raised as an only child who had her mother, grandmother, and grandfather as family. My grandfather was my father figure and I could count on him with whatever and whenever I needed his help or advice. My grandfather passed away from congestive heart failure in July of 2006. I have a tattoo in memory of him on my arm containing a heart w/wings and lettering. You will be able to see what I designed exactly for him in the picture below.
In 2007, I was very determined in finding my biological father. I checked with several people and found that he had been on the run from the police since 1998 because of two warrants for his arrest. Basically, I had found a past address that was under his name, went to it, and he was not there. The woman who currently lives at the house informed me that I had a half-sister named Ambur Wray. I didn't know what to think as the woman was telling me about my sister. She then said that she had not seen her in 10 years. That brought my hopes for trying to find members from my father's side of the family straight down the drain.
After months and months doing my best to find my sister Ambur, I finally found her. I was so scared about what she would think...but things went better than I have ever dreamed of. Although we have different mothers, we still have the same father and the characteristics we share are unbelievable! We had officially met in person on Jan. 14th of 2008. The feeling I had when I had found her was indescribable. Growing up, I had always thought I was an only child. I did not find out about her until I was 19 and did not officially meet her until I was 20 years old. It has been over a year since we had met. We see each other at least once a week, and I am going to see her graduate from high school in May. I also got a tattoo for her. She will be getting the same tattoo on her 18th birthday. The A stand for Ambur and the H stands for Heather. The only downfall about all of this is that her mother will not take the time to get to know me for me. Her mother is a very close-minded person and she had told my sister that the reason she will not bargain and give me a chance is because when she looks at me, all she sees is mine and Ambur's father. Yes, I do look a lot like him but that does not mean I have anything else in common with him. All he is is a dead-beat father who is extremely cold-hearted and does not care about anyone, including himself.
I have no seen my father since I was 3 years old. I barely remember him being in my life until that point. My mother had told me a while back that he was tell us that he was coming over to see me and I would get really excited, but then...he would never show. I haven't seen him in so long...that is over 18 years of wondering if I might have passed him in public without knowing. My sister has not seen him since she was 18 months so she has absolutely no memory at all concerning him.
On March 18th 2009, my mother received a little that read about a court date "State of Tennessee: Duke vs. Duke" which will be held on April 14th 2009. The state had finally found my father and the court date is scheduled for back pay of child support. I honestly could care less about the money. Yes, it is around $30,000 and yes, it has been rough growing up and having to work full-time as soon as I was able to legally. But I do not need money to be successful and be happy with life. I am a full-time college student going for my EMT-Paramedic certificate and doing extremely well. Everything is going great for me...other than not having the closure I need from my biological father. I am going to see him for the first time in 18 years in a court room. I had been waiting for this day to come for years...but for some reason, now that I actually have the chance to do what I have dreamed of, I am having SO MANY MIXED FEELINGS. The first words I am going to be able to say to him will be in front of everyone in the court room as I am on the stand. I honestly do not know what I am going to say...if I am going to be able to say anything at all.
Now on to the song "Zoe Jane"…
This is really hard for me to type to try and get you to understand how I feel, but I am going to do my best. I have been TERRIFIED of dating and getting really serious with someone. I have one major trust issue with men in general because of what I have seen my mother go through, as well as myself growing up and now. I do not want to fall in love with someone and have a child and then have the man go and repeat MY father's actions. My dream husband, father of my future children, is described in this song, Zoe Jane. Whenever I hear this song…as Aaron goes on with the lyrics…if I am alone, I always begin to tear up, if not cry my eyes out especially when he sings “I’ll always love you, the way that a father should love his daughter.” in the chorus. My dream is to have a husband who will love and care for our children for his entire life. I am currently with a wonderful man. I have not known him too entirely long but I have never been with someone who is this respectful, caring, loving, family oriented, responsible, etc. I could go on and on about how much of an amazing guy my boyfriend is. He is a bit older than I am and I want to trust him with everything I have. With him by my side, I am beginning to overcome my biggest fear in life more and more as each day passes.
Staind,
I have been a fan since you came out with your first album, Tormented. Yes, I was young but as you were releasing albums, I was growing older and understood what your songs were about. Your song “For You” is the top-second song I can relate to. My mother was always working (12 hour shifts – 4 to 5 days a week) to provide me with a roof over my head, food, clothing, etc. yet she never seemed to be there for me emotionally.
I have had the chance to see you perform twice. Once at The Beale Street Music Festival (Memphis in May 2006) in Memphis, TN then in Nashville, TN at the Riverfront in August of 2008. I was at the very front, a little left (your view) of the stage. If you recall, there was a man who opened for the bands. I could not remember his name which really bothered me because he sung this one song that literally caused me to break out in tears while listening. The song was about him growing up without his father in his life and he was raised by his mother, grandfather, and grandmother. Well, he sung a verse where his grandfather (his father-figure) had passed away and not too long after that, his grandmother passed away. That REALLY got to me because almost a year after my grandfather (my father-figure) had passed, I almost lost my grandmother. She had been in the hospital for 4 months straight and her blood pressure had once gotten down to 30/12. The nurses and doctors seemed to have lost hope but I could not give up on my grandmother and sure enough, she pulled through! But yeah, that song had really gotten to me a lot…I tried my best after the show had ended to search for him (the man who opened yall’s show) but had no success. Anyway, you guys had played an awesome set. During the song “For You” Aaron actually tossed a guitar pick to me and I had thought I missed it and when I looked up at him, he pointed at his shirt to let me know it went down the front of my top which really made me laugh. Seeing you guys really did make my night for sure. The only thing that bothers me is that I have not seen you perform “Zoe Jane” live. If I EVER found out that you were planning on performing “Zoe Jane” at a show, I would do my damnedest to be there, whether the show is in Tennessee or California, I would be there!
My boyfriend and I have been a fan of you guys for years. He has never seen you before so I am treating him by taking him to see you in North Little Rock, AR on May 9th 2009 at Cooper Farm. Now I know you guys get millions of requests from fans concerning songs they want to hear, but I feel as if hearing this song, will help me attain the closure I need concerning the situation with my biological father. So, the one thing I have to ask is, would you guys play “Zoe Jane” for me at the North Little Rock, AR show on May 9th? If you will, it will touch the bottom of my heart.
Heather Duke
Location: Jackson, TN
Email: itsheatherduke@yahoo.com
In 2007, I was very determined in finding my biological father. I checked with several people and found that he had been on the run from the police since 1998 because of two warrants for his arrest. Basically, I had found a past address that was under his name, went to it, and he was not there. The woman who currently lives at the house informed me that I had a half-sister named Ambur Wray. I didn't know what to think as the woman was telling me about my sister. She then said that she had not seen her in 10 years. That brought my hopes for trying to find members from my father's side of the family straight down the drain.
After months and months doing my best to find my sister Ambur, I finally found her. I was so scared about what she would think...but things went better than I have ever dreamed of. Although we have different mothers, we still have the same father and the characteristics we share are unbelievable! We had officially met in person on Jan. 14th of 2008. The feeling I had when I had found her was indescribable. Growing up, I had always thought I was an only child. I did not find out about her until I was 19 and did not officially meet her until I was 20 years old. It has been over a year since we had met. We see each other at least once a week, and I am going to see her graduate from high school in May. I also got a tattoo for her. She will be getting the same tattoo on her 18th birthday. The A stand for Ambur and the H stands for Heather. The only downfall about all of this is that her mother will not take the time to get to know me for me. Her mother is a very close-minded person and she had told my sister that the reason she will not bargain and give me a chance is because when she looks at me, all she sees is mine and Ambur's father. Yes, I do look a lot like him but that does not mean I have anything else in common with him. All he is is a dead-beat father who is extremely cold-hearted and does not care about anyone, including himself.
I have no seen my father since I was 3 years old. I barely remember him being in my life until that point. My mother had told me a while back that he was tell us that he was coming over to see me and I would get really excited, but then...he would never show. I haven't seen him in so long...that is over 18 years of wondering if I might have passed him in public without knowing. My sister has not seen him since she was 18 months so she has absolutely no memory at all concerning him.
On March 18th 2009, my mother received a little that read about a court date "State of Tennessee: Duke vs. Duke" which will be held on April 14th 2009. The state had finally found my father and the court date is scheduled for back pay of child support. I honestly could care less about the money. Yes, it is around $30,000 and yes, it has been rough growing up and having to work full-time as soon as I was able to legally. But I do not need money to be successful and be happy with life. I am a full-time college student going for my EMT-Paramedic certificate and doing extremely well. Everything is going great for me...other than not having the closure I need from my biological father. I am going to see him for the first time in 18 years in a court room. I had been waiting for this day to come for years...but for some reason, now that I actually have the chance to do what I have dreamed of, I am having SO MANY MIXED FEELINGS. The first words I am going to be able to say to him will be in front of everyone in the court room as I am on the stand. I honestly do not know what I am going to say...if I am going to be able to say anything at all.
Now on to the song "Zoe Jane"…
This is really hard for me to type to try and get you to understand how I feel, but I am going to do my best. I have been TERRIFIED of dating and getting really serious with someone. I have one major trust issue with men in general because of what I have seen my mother go through, as well as myself growing up and now. I do not want to fall in love with someone and have a child and then have the man go and repeat MY father's actions. My dream husband, father of my future children, is described in this song, Zoe Jane. Whenever I hear this song…as Aaron goes on with the lyrics…if I am alone, I always begin to tear up, if not cry my eyes out especially when he sings “I’ll always love you, the way that a father should love his daughter.” in the chorus. My dream is to have a husband who will love and care for our children for his entire life. I am currently with a wonderful man. I have not known him too entirely long but I have never been with someone who is this respectful, caring, loving, family oriented, responsible, etc. I could go on and on about how much of an amazing guy my boyfriend is. He is a bit older than I am and I want to trust him with everything I have. With him by my side, I am beginning to overcome my biggest fear in life more and more as each day passes.
Staind,
I have been a fan since you came out with your first album, Tormented. Yes, I was young but as you were releasing albums, I was growing older and understood what your songs were about. Your song “For You” is the top-second song I can relate to. My mother was always working (12 hour shifts – 4 to 5 days a week) to provide me with a roof over my head, food, clothing, etc. yet she never seemed to be there for me emotionally.
I have had the chance to see you perform twice. Once at The Beale Street Music Festival (Memphis in May 2006) in Memphis, TN then in Nashville, TN at the Riverfront in August of 2008. I was at the very front, a little left (your view) of the stage. If you recall, there was a man who opened for the bands. I could not remember his name which really bothered me because he sung this one song that literally caused me to break out in tears while listening. The song was about him growing up without his father in his life and he was raised by his mother, grandfather, and grandmother. Well, he sung a verse where his grandfather (his father-figure) had passed away and not too long after that, his grandmother passed away. That REALLY got to me because almost a year after my grandfather (my father-figure) had passed, I almost lost my grandmother. She had been in the hospital for 4 months straight and her blood pressure had once gotten down to 30/12. The nurses and doctors seemed to have lost hope but I could not give up on my grandmother and sure enough, she pulled through! But yeah, that song had really gotten to me a lot…I tried my best after the show had ended to search for him (the man who opened yall’s show) but had no success. Anyway, you guys had played an awesome set. During the song “For You” Aaron actually tossed a guitar pick to me and I had thought I missed it and when I looked up at him, he pointed at his shirt to let me know it went down the front of my top which really made me laugh. Seeing you guys really did make my night for sure. The only thing that bothers me is that I have not seen you perform “Zoe Jane” live. If I EVER found out that you were planning on performing “Zoe Jane” at a show, I would do my damnedest to be there, whether the show is in Tennessee or California, I would be there!
My boyfriend and I have been a fan of you guys for years. He has never seen you before so I am treating him by taking him to see you in North Little Rock, AR on May 9th 2009 at Cooper Farm. Now I know you guys get millions of requests from fans concerning songs they want to hear, but I feel as if hearing this song, will help me attain the closure I need concerning the situation with my biological father. So, the one thing I have to ask is, would you guys play “Zoe Jane” for me at the North Little Rock, AR show on May 9th? If you will, it will touch the bottom of my heart.
Heather Duke
Location: Jackson, TN
Email: itsheatherduke@yahoo.com
Tags: father, figure, jane, please, read!, staind, zoe
Views: 157
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Raleigh(Staind Junkie) on -
Wow,that's a very touching post.I can relate to your situation with your father.Mine passed away when I was 15.Although we were close and he was there it's really hard not having your dad in your life.I was at the Nashville show as well.I actually remembering seeing your face there,I was in the front too towards the right of the stage.That was an awesome show! Theory Of A Deadman,Hinder,were good,but Staind just blew them all away.Great set they played that night.Was my second time meeting them and it was just a great night! I plan on making the drive to North Little Rock also.Should be a kick ass show.All day outdoor concerts are the best ! Nice tats there in your pictures!
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Permalink Reply by Heather on -
I'm sorry to hear you went through something similar. It is extremely hard. Because my father chose "better" things to do with his time than spend some time with me, my grandfather was basically my father-figure. I was a tom boy when I was younger (played sports for 12 yrs, mainly softball) so I was a grand-daddy's girl. It really has bothered me since I was young about everything. As I've been getting older, that fear I mentioned is increasing because I'm at that age where I'm finishing up in school and going to HOPEFULLY start a family within the next few years...but the one thing that might hold me back is that fear & I am unsure on how I am going to overcome that. I suppose time will tell.
That's cool that you were there. Where are you from? I was at the front right as well. I enjoyed all of the bands who played...but of course, the reason why I was there was to see Staind and they were amazing. I really look forward to the AR show. I just hope the members read my posting..cuz if they played Zoe Jane...it really would make my day...or even year. And thanks about the ink!
By the way, do you happen to remember the guy who opened for all of the bands at the nashville show??
Raleigh said:Wow,that's a very touching post.I can relate to your situation with your father.Mine passed away when I was 15.Although we were close and he was there it's really hard not having your dad in your life.I was at the Nashville show as well.I actually remembering seeing your face there,I was in the front too towards the right of the stage.That was an awesome show! Theory Of A Deadman,Hinder,were good,but Staind just blew them all away.Great set they played that night.Was my second time meeting them and it was just a great night! I plan on making the drive to North Little Rock also.Should be a kick ass show.All day outdoor concerts are the best ! Nice tats there in your pictures!
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Permalink Reply by LEFTYJLAJ on -
damn. aaron has some good aim. haha.
i too have a father who wasnt around. id like to say i could give a fuck less but its always been something that has fucked with me.
i have a daughter now who is my fucking world. the only perfect thing in this world. only way i can describe her.
my grandfather was also my father figure until he passed.
im not good with words or talking about how i feel. so i dont have anything great to say to make your whole situation better. wish i did.
its just cool to know some people have as much in common with me. even if it is shitty circumstances
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Permalink Reply by sanders26 on -
I'm really sorry to hear about this, i'm also looking for my biological parents, not knowing what's gonna happen or what i'm going to say. Although they didn't do drugs or anything like that, i've always wondered about them. and about "zoe jane" i actually ahve the chorus tattooed to my left forearm. i got it done right after my daughter was born. it's a very good song and very emotional and i don't understand how there is anything "better" to do with your time than being a father. i feel sorry for your father that he missed out on a such a great experience, and from who you sound like, he missed out on a great daughter. hopefully staind plays it for you when you hear them next.
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Permalink Reply by Heather on
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Yeah, the song is very touching...to me, all of their helps someone out there get through tough times during their life, whatever their problems may be.
It is pretty sad how some "parents" do not care about their children...matter of fact, it's not sad...it's just fucking pathetic. I'm glad to hear about you and your daughter. Guys who will actually stick around and be there for their children are hard to come by these days. A couple of my friends have children, and the fathers vamped. The main thing for me is that I am going to make sure that with the man I'm with, I can fully trust him with that.
I understand when you said it's hard to find the right words. That post took me about two hours to type. But thanks for taking the time to read it!
LEFTYJLAJ said:damn. aaron has some good aim. haha.
i too have a father who wasnt around. id like to say i could give a fuck less but its always been something that has fucked with me.
i have a daughter now who is my fucking world. the only perfect thing in this world. only way i can describe her.
my grandfather was also my father figure until he passed.
im not good with words or talking about how i feel. so i dont have anything great to say to make your whole situation better. wish i did.
its just cool to know some people have as much in common with me. even if it is shitty circumstances
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Permalink Reply by Raleigh(Staind Junkie) on
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Heather said:I'm sorry to hear you went through something similar. It is extremely hard. Because my father chose "better" things to do with his time than spend some time with me, my grandfather was basically my father-figure. I was a tom boy when I was younger (played sports for 12 yrs, mainly softball) so I was a grand-daddy's girl. It really has bothered me since I was young about everything. As I've been getting older, that fear I mentioned is increasing because I'm at that age where I'm finishing up in school and going to HOPEFULLY start a family within the next few years...but the one thing that might hold me back is that fear & I am unsure on how I am going to overcome that. I suppose time will tell.
That's cool that you were there. Where are you from? I was at the front right as well. I enjoyed all of the bands who played...but of course, the reason why I was there was to see Staind and they were amazing. I really look forward to the AR show. I just hope the members read my posting..cuz if they played Zoe Jane...it really would make my day...or even year. And thanks about the ink!
By the way, do you happen to remember the guy who opened for all of the bands at the nashville show??
Raleigh said:Wow,that's a very touching post.I can relate to your situation with your father.Mine passed away when I was 15.Although we were close and he was there it's really hard not having your dad in your life.I was at the Nashville show as well.I actually remembering seeing your face there,I was in the front too towards the right of the stage.That was an awesome show! Theory Of A Deadman,Hinder,were good,but Staind just blew them all away.Great set they played that night.Was my second time meeting them and it was just a great night! I plan on making the drive to North Little Rock also.Should be a kick ass show.All day outdoor concerts are the best ! Nice tats there in your pictures!
Was it Sick Puppies your talking about ? I'm from KY,like an hour 1/2 north of Nashville.I was up front almost exactly in front of Mike.
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Permalink Reply by jmnmcckd on -
heather, i understand your story and can relate on sooo many levels. if you ever need someone to talk to, email me and i will give you my phone #. i'm 39 almost 40 and i was adopted at 4 months old. i grew up in a home with my father being a heroin addict, alcoholic, prescription pill popper. needless to say he was not a father figure. i opened my adoption file when i was 19 almost 20 and found that i had been going to school and maintained friendship with my bio brother. (i also had two sisters) i can truly relate to sooo many of the issues mentally that you have faced and ivevitably will face again. it's all a cycle, so if/when (and i hope you stay up for the rest of your life) things get to you, talk to me, i have many years experience with this and i've got alot to share. i've been writing a book for a year because i know it was what i was put here to do. i had noone who understood the issues i had, and i found my way through the school of hard knocks. i got my degree, but, i don't want anyone else to learn things the way i did. you seem like a bright young lady who has her head screwed on straight, good luck with hearing zoe jane, it makes me teary eyed everytime i hear it too. take care of yourself and believe in yourself.- jill
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Permalink Reply by Heather on
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Nah, not Sick Puppies. It was a soloist.
Raleigh(Staind Junkie) said:Heather said:I'm sorry to hear you went through something similar. It is extremely hard. Because my father chose "better" things to do with his time than spend some time with me, my grandfather was basically my father-figure. I was a tom boy when I was younger (played sports for 12 yrs, mainly softball) so I was a grand-daddy's girl. It really has bothered me since I was young about everything. As I've been getting older, that fear I mentioned is increasing because I'm at that age where I'm finishing up in school and going to HOPEFULLY start a family within the next few years...but the one thing that might hold me back is that fear & I am unsure on how I am going to overcome that. I suppose time will tell.
That's cool that you were there. Where are you from? I was at the front right as well. I enjoyed all of the bands who played...but of course, the reason why I was there was to see Staind and they were amazing. I really look forward to the AR show. I just hope the members read my posting..cuz if they played Zoe Jane...it really would make my day...or even year. And thanks about the ink!
By the way, do you happen to remember the guy who opened for all of the bands at the nashville show??
Raleigh said:Wow,that's a very touching post.I can relate to your situation with your father.Mine passed away when I was 15.Although we were close and he was there it's really hard not having your dad in your life.I was at the Nashville show as well.I actually remembering seeing your face there,I was in the front too towards the right of the stage.That was an awesome show! Theory Of A Deadman,Hinder,were good,but Staind just blew them all away.Great set they played that night.Was my second time meeting them and it was just a great night! I plan on making the drive to North Little Rock also.Should be a kick ass show.All day outdoor concerts are the best ! Nice tats there in your pictures!
Was it Sick Puppies your talking about ? I'm from KY,like an hour 1/2 north of Nashville.I was up front almost exactly in front of Mike.
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Permalink Reply by joe on -
hi whats up if u go 2 a solo show arron plays zoe jane and it is a great song good luck joe
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Permalink Reply by Heather on
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I'm actually going to one on Jan 23rd. :) Thanks!
joe said:hi whats up if u go 2 a solo show arron plays zoe jane and it is a great song good luck joe
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Permalink Reply by Justus on -
Wow I'm sorry to hear that. It makes me sad because the way that I can relate to it is that I am the single mom with a daughter who has a dead beat father. I always worry from day to day how it will affect her. She is 7. Currently the only father figure she has in her life is her grandfather. And, I work my ass off all the time to try and make ends meet. I feel guilty a lot of times because I don't get to spend as much time as I would like to with her. I worry that she will hate me for it. But, I do the best I can and I know that when I do spend time with her she is happy. It's just hard. And seeing it from your point of view makes me think. But, at least you keep your head up high and do the best you can do and remember you are loved!!!
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Permalink Reply by Rammi Alqannas on -
Hey Heather
I know what I'm sayin sound a bit girly but your post almost brought me to tears
I have the same issue with my dad eventhgough he lives with us but we never felt that he was there for us except for a few months ago he started to come back to his sense and becae more open minded he doesn't have any drugs nor alcohol issues he was just emotionally isolated that's why i feel so related to For You
you're great girl and your boyfriend is very lucky to have you in his life
I hope we become friends actually you're very lucky in the States havin achance to see staind performing it's an oppertunity I only dream about
Take care
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